The Good, The Perfect, And The Ugly

There are many "life lessons" out there to be learned and passed on, most of which turn out to be the self-evident BS that falls out of a Christmas cracker. People were fed up with this sort of sententious nonsense even in Shakespeare's time – see Polonius in Hamlet – but it seems we have an insatiable appetite for bite-sized wisdom. However, for those diligent souls who care about their work and are prepared to take pains to get it right, there is one essential lesson I can pass on which can be reduced to this convenient takeaway sound-bite: nobody cares how hard you worked to get it right. When something – whether it be it a device, a project, some software, a submarine, whatever – just works, nobody will give a tuppenny damn quite how it was made to work, even if it might just as easily not have worked, or how much effort and ingenuity went into making it work so well. That's what we pay you for, isn't it? Of course, if that something doesn't work, or work as well as it might, people will care very much, and they'll know who to blame.

I think I have shared before various of my own Polonius-like insights into management, but one in particular bears repeating, and it is this: in any organisation, most people are passive onlookers, little more than passengers working their passage on a journey whose reward is a monthly salary and whose destination, in the short term, is the weekend and, in the long term, retirement. Therefore, to ensure the success of any enterprise, whether it be a voyage of discovery, a zoo, or a university, two unusual personality types are necessary: people who make things happen, and people who make things work. These are two very different and equally rare sets of characteristics, hardly ever embodied in a single person. Such people often hold each other in contempt, openly or secretly, but, when brought together – by force, if necessary – they can generate an awesome transformative energy. The inner secret, however, is this: People Who Make Things Happen must never be given a complex task to see through, and People Who Make Things Work must never, ever be put in charge. I could give chapter and verse – indeed, there's a  bestselling book in there for some wannabe consultancy guru – but I think the truth of this will be self-evident to anyone who has ever worked for a living in a corporate setting, at least now that I have pointed it out.

The crucial thing is to figure out is who you are, and not to kid yourself. After all, you're almost certainly a passive passenger. "This ship's going to India? No problem, just tell me what to do! And when is my lunch break?" You may want to make things happen, but probably lack the people skills, love of meetings, and sociopathic ruthlessness to achieve this. If you wore the captain's hat, would the ship ever leave dock, never mind get to India? No, I thought not. Similarly, you may want to make things work, but probably lack the compendious attention to detail, the resourceful creativity, and the unforgiving work ethic that makes lunch breaks an unwelcome distraction. If you held the chief engineer's oily rag, what are the chances of the ship drifting helplessly in mid-ocean at the first mechanical setback? Quite. No, step back, do whatever you're asked to do, and let those rare creatures – they know who they are – do their thing. That way, we'll all get to India in one piece. Why are we going there? As if you cared. Lunch for your team is from 13:00 to 14:00. Carry on.

But, to return to my original "life lesson": one thing People Who Make Things Work need to learn and accept is that all the praise and rewards will go to the People Who Make Things Happen. It's the way of the world: nobody cares how hard you worked to get it right. It's just a fact. Nobody ever got a knighthood for ensuring the ship of state didn't stop, hit a rock, or run out of rations. That honour goes to the person who stands on the bridge, declaiming, "Plot me a course to India. Did anyone remember to bring a map? Full steam ahead! And make sure those engine-thingies don't break!" Even if where you all end up turns out to be America. People Who Make Things Happen are also People Who Make Things Up, when it suits them.

Of course, by the same token, an important life lesson for People Who Make Things Happen is not to grab all the credit: you'll get it, anyway. A few quiet, grateful words, some fulsome praise where fulsome praise is due, maybe even a recommendation for a lesser gong or a generous cash reward; these things win loyalty and, let's be frank, make you look even better. And yet, in my observation and experience, this is a lesson that those preening bastards on the bridge – with never a drop of oil or sweat on their dress uniforms – hardly, if ever, bother to learn, as the ship glides gracefully into port, on course and on time, to general acclaim. Well done, captain!

So, me hearties, just be content that a job well done is its own reward, and repeat: nobody cares how hard you worked to get it right, nobody cares how hard you worked to get it right... Got it? Expect nothing, and you won't be disappointed. Now, lunch break's over, you worthless dogs: get shovelling that coal! Pass me my oily rag!