Fablon

The discovery of an unknown folding triptych attributed to Fra Angelico would be a remarkable event under any circumstances, but the fact that this piece, concealed beneath several layers of wood-effect Fablon®, had been used for decades to support the dartboard in a Southampton pub only adds to the sensation.

Sophie Artex-Orlova, an acknowledged expert on pub interiors, said, "It has clear marks of the master's hand, not least those oddly squinty eyes, and, look, that's his name along the bottom edge there, which is pretty conclusive. I know it says "B. Giovanni Angelico", but that's his proper name, in Italian, which of course he was at the time."

Bob Butterburr, landlord of The Prancing Pony, which has been on its current waterfront site for at least 300 years, will be calling last orders for the very last time this week, following a third and final unsatisfactory You're Welcome To Southampton! audit by the City Council's Friendly Welcome Unit. Bob said, "I had no idea what was inside the bloody thing. It's been there on the wall since at least the 1950s. It was only when we were taking down the dartboard and it it fell off the wall that the sticky-back plastic split, and it swung open like the [redacted]. If I'd known it opened up like that, we could have painted it over with blackboard paint and kept score on it. Shame. Obviously, there's no point in me forking out for a proper dartboard cabinet now. People keep telling me I'll be able to buy my own pub for what this thing's worth, but I can't see it. Since the likes of those [redacted] Grayson Perry and Damien Hirst rocked up the bottom has dropped out of the Early Renaissance religious art market like a [redacted], hasn't it? Brexit won't help much, either, but don't get me started on that [redacted]. Eh? 'Course I want to remain! Like Guinness, do you? Fancy any of my Polish bar staff? And where do you think these posh Belgian beers come from? Barnsley? And another thing..."

Pace Mr. Butterburr, How far the picture is a religious piece is an interesting question. The gender of the central figure is highly ambiguous, and it lacks any halo or any of the other conventional iconography of sainthood or divinity used in the period. There is what appears to be a halo superimposed on the beautifully rendered figure of a hawk in a side panel, but there is also a square "halo" lower down on the same panel which is without precedent, and could mean anything or nothing. It is possible it is one of Fra Angelico's notorious jeux d'esprit (cf. his bonkers "Mocking of Christ"); it is also possible it has been "made up", that is, assembled out of disparate elements at some point in the past. The piece comes up for auction in September, and keen international competition to secure it is anticipated. There is no expectation that an export license will be denied on grounds of national importance. "Fra who?" said the Secretary of State's secretary, when asked for a statement.